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Friday, November 9, 2007

Xerox Hell Machine

A Xerox machine recently came into the office. This thing has so many bells and whistles. It is unbelievable. It has a touch screen monitor to enter information but it is near impossible to figure how to get it to do what you want.

It seems like Xerox feels the simplest options should be the hardest to find. Anyway this thing got a jam, and I'll tell you: it started give me directions to open every door on the freaking thing. Once, you open one door watch out because you are going to release three flaps, pull some levers, spin a couple dials and possibly open another door. I must have pulled out ten sheets of paper before I was done. It's crazy.

Since, I have ADD or something after I got back to my desk I started thinking about stupid things. After, looking inside the Xerox I realized this machine is just an engineer's twisted idea of a way to torture paper. If you look inside that thing it twists, turns and flips paper every imaginable direction possible. Sprays paper tar (hot ink) on the paper. Then when it's done the user has the option of hole punching or stapling the document. Good grief. That poor paper. The most amazing thing, to me, is that the paper still comes out flat.

XEROX LIKES TORTURING PAPER. END GAME.

Note to Xerox: With all the crap you have going on in those things why can't it get rid of a jam. Shouldn't it be able to shred all the documents in there spit them into the trash and resume where it left off.

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