The Bathroom at Work

I couldn't tell you about the ladies room at work but the mens room is one of the wierdest places. So much, can happen in there. Conversations can start up that are a barrel of laughs or that make everyone or just you feel really awkward.

I want to know what is up with the guy that goes and takes a leak in the stall. The stalls should be saved for when someone has to drop a load. Come on stall pisser get over your small penis complex or bladder shyness. By the way everyone assumes you have a small penis, even if you do don't worry about it nobody is going to look over.

I have to admit though I am guilty of using the stall. There are just some people that strike me as wierd I don't want to take a piss next to them. I've got a good strategy for avoiding that situation. I just act like I only had to wash my hands and come back ten minutes later. Maybe the guy using the stall when I'm in there thinks I am wierd, and doesn't want to take a leak next to me. I can see that happening sadly enough, if you read my blog you know I can be pretty obnoxious.

There are tons of characters in the men's room. What about the guy that always snorts and grunts before he takes a leak. Is that like saying,"Now presenting gentlemen and uhhhhh gentlemen my penin. Thank you, thank you." I hope it is not some sort of gay mating call. Who knows?

Okay I am going to skip the duece dropping portion of the bathroom. That is a whole different beast. What is it about times where your talking to someone and the conversation flows well but the next day it is just wierd. I can't figure out what that is about. It usually helps if something stupid happens like somebody farting while they take a piss or simply getting a cell phone call.

The one last thing that I am going to give a quick mention is coming out of the stall and realizing it was somebody in your department in the stall next to you. I don't know why but you simply don't want to know about the coworkers shitting habits that works two cubicles down.

Ladies please leave comments about what goes on in the womens room. Not because I am a perve, but because I know the social structure in there is a lot more complex. The ladies have couches and spend a lot more time in the restroom than men. We go then go. I don't know what they do, not married yet.

Link to a cartoon:
http://gamebrew.com/play-mens-room-monologue

That Guy in the Office 1

There are always different types of people in the office that can be stereotyped. I personally am the jerk who stays late mosts nights and put in sixty plus hour work weeks. Then again, I am in the finance department and accountants are expected to work more than you other chumps.

Today's feature of That Guy in the Office is about the guy that always walks around with an invisible megaphone up to his mouth. It doesn't matter where you are, whether your in the conversation or what you are doing he makes sure you hear him. Fortunately, for me these guys tend to be sales people. Although from time to time someone decides to take on the role for a few weeks from my department.

Well let us analyze what this guy is trying to accomplish.

A. He is trying to sound smart. Megaphone Man this doesn't work when you speak loudly you are only ensuring that everyone picks up on every stupid thing you say. If you do have something intelligent to say you still sound like a moron.

B. He is trying to make sure everyone knows he is hard at work. Moron your talking. Not only do we hear you move from cube to cube, office to office but we hear that you are distracting people from work not accomplishing work.

C. He is trying to make sure everyone know that he is next in line for that big promotion. Megaphone on this one your such a peice of crap, everyone is just waiting for you to quit or get fired. Your so close to being tied up, dragged to the basement and being beaten with telephone books and baseball bats you don't even want to know. Just for you we should incorporate the modern day stoning of an office worker. Die Megaphone Man die.

D. He is trying to show that he is full of himself. Well, Megaphone Man mission accomplished. Now SHUT THE HELL UP.

Why AT&T WHY!!!!!!!

AT&T has managed to annoy the piss out of me. With the imaginarymadeupIwannakillsomebodyland crap they have been pulling in their most recent ad campaign. They have managed to place these adds everywhere on T.V., Radio, Internet, Movies and my nogin. Due to the fact that AT&T is a bunch of brainwash attempting jerks I am endorsing a boycott of AT&T. Annoying advertising must be shown to be ineffective. Please, do not support AT&T. I will be seeking a new dsl provider shortly. DESTROY AT&T, DESTROY AT&T, DESTROY AT&T. March with me now let the revolution begin.

I really think I a effecting the world for the better by taking a stand against these mind numbing adds. I will probably be nominate for a Nobel Peace Award. Al Gore has got nothing on me, I stand for sanity.

If you would like to donate to the People Against Annoying Advertising Associaition or PAAAA please make check out to (Your name) and mail to 123 Your Address Dr, Your City, Your Country 11111. I really encourage you to spend the money you just sent to yourself on products not supported by stupid annoying advertising.

Xerox Hell Machine

A Xerox machine recently came into the office. This thing has so many bells and whistles. It is unbelievable. It has a touch screen monitor to enter information but it is near impossible to figure how to get it to do what you want.

It seems like Xerox feels the simplest options should be the hardest to find. Anyway this thing got a jam, and I'll tell you: it started give me directions to open every door on the freaking thing. Once, you open one door watch out because you are going to release three flaps, pull some levers, spin a couple dials and possibly open another door. I must have pulled out ten sheets of paper before I was done. It's crazy.

Since, I have ADD or something after I got back to my desk I started thinking about stupid things. After, looking inside the Xerox I realized this machine is just an engineer's twisted idea of a way to torture paper. If you look inside that thing it twists, turns and flips paper every imaginable direction possible. Sprays paper tar (hot ink) on the paper. Then when it's done the user has the option of hole punching or stapling the document. Good grief. That poor paper. The most amazing thing, to me, is that the paper still comes out flat.

XEROX LIKES TORTURING PAPER. END GAME.

Note to Xerox: With all the crap you have going on in those things why can't it get rid of a jam. Shouldn't it be able to shred all the documents in there spit them into the trash and resume where it left off.